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Asher Asks: Which fangirl are you?

A few weeks ago, I was on Sonia's blog, aka The Story Queen, and came across an interesting discussion post: Fangirling. In this post, she talks about what it means to be a fangirl and her limits on fangirliness. And that got me thinking.

Some people think we are obsessive, deluded females with no purpose to direct our pathetic lives. Our friends, our families, even our librarians (what's with the raised eyebrows, Mrs. B? *glares*) and booksellers—supposed kindred souls—don't understand that we have legitimate reasons to feel... so intensely emotionally invested. We don't just act all bizarro for NO REASON. That would be senseless, indicative of insanity. We are perfectly lucid, clear-minded individuals with strong feelings that sometimes... overwhelm us. That isn't so bad, right? *beams*

And besides we fangirls are not all the same. Imagine if we were all rabid she-beasts obsessed with a few fictional characters or out-of-reach celebrities. Males would be a terrified sub-species, reduced to boarding up their homes and walking to their mailboxes with branches on hand, ready to beat down this psychotic breed of walking XY chromosomes. Trust me, things could be far worse than they are. AND we are not alone in our obsessions. What's a sorority without a fraternity nearby? The boys can get a little crazy too. The Twi-guys are not an invisible clan of Twilight fans. They totally exist.

Don't hate on the fangirls. And, more importantly, it's okay to be like us. There's no shame in being a tad overzealous about the things you love. Maybe you're a little uncertain. Confused as to whether you make the cut, of whether or not you're a true fangirl (or boy). Perhaps it's time to diagnose yourself once and for all. There are varying degrees of fangirlism and different signs that tell us which category we fall under.

First, let's start with the extremes.
We have the lowest rung: You're outside-in. Outwardly you are calm and stoic (see: above), completely expressionless. But, inside, you are rolling back and forth with a smile that should break your face.
And there's the highest rung, the level of no return. It begins with a silly, harmless icon and then, eventually, leads you into a tattoo parlor, preferably drunk or high on something, and you proceed to have a giant symbol of your devotion etched PAIN and STAKINGly into every inch of your back, which, if it had the ability to speak, would be flinging curses so twisted and inventive at you, you would be forced to resort to googling each syllable. There is a scale, so you can check it for the most extreme of extremes:

1: Icons. Wouldn't Edward's lower lip look great as my Twitter icon?
2: Desktop Wallpapers. Maybe if I blow up this image of his entire mouth and have it greet me every time I log onto the computer it'll be easier to feel the texture of his kiss in my dreams. The psychology of it is nearly indisputable. 
3: Posters. If I can't have his body, I will stare unabashedly at its gloriousness every day. If I stare into his eyes long enough, maybe I could send, like, a telepathic message to his mind, NO, better, his SOUL, and he'll come find me.
4: T-Shirts. I can convince everyone to love him too. I could just project his face off my boobs. I am not ashamed to use my body if it means spreading the love.
5: Camping.  I've come to see Edward in the flesh. It's been 72 hours since I last saw my mom's face, ate a decent meal, and used something other than a bush to dispose of my urine. My love for him is not effing around. This is getting serious.

 6: Tattoos. I want everyone to see him across every inch of my body. They will see my dedication and my love for him. I wonder if they can make Jacob's abs look chiseled?

Have no fear, though. *smiles* There are versions in between.

Perhaps you are a:

SQUEALER

You are disappointingly unable to form coherent words and phrases, but are reduced to animalistic, high-pitched sounds of delight.

BROKEN RECORD

You are in the next phase of fangirl evolution: you actually speak. Your vocal cords aren't just giving off unintelligible noises that cast suspicion onto your sanity. But, unfortunately, you can only repeat the same words and sentences, like a scratched disc that won't move passed that last lyric in the song.

TALKER

As in talk others' ears off. You are deaf to all other topics of conversations. It's almost like that episode in Spongebob, when Spongebob is asked to clear his mind, and inside these Mini Spongebobs work to empty of it everything but his name. Same concept.

From: Hyperbole and a Half

HUMAN COMMERCIAL

You are singing your obsession's praises. You are listing and categorizing every excellent thing about it, adverse to communicating its flaws, because IT HAS NO FLAWS. And no one can tell you different. Instead, you are selling this obsession to your friends, your family, ANYONE WHO WILL LISTEN, and are urging them to give whatever it is a solid whirl. You can't imagine that they don't want to hear what you have to say and that they look anything like this:

 BULLY

You are becoming violent. Haters get slapped, punched, clawed, kicked. You will force them into falling into the obsession with you. You can't be alone in your love.You refuse to be.

I'VE JUST EFFED WITH YOUR MIND. I COMMAND YOU TO KEEP SMASHING YOUR FACE INTO THE DESK. WILL YOU READ IT NOW? DO YOU LIKE HIM NOW? NOW?! NOW?!?!?

So, which fangirl are you?

Edit:

44 comments:

Heidi said...

Bwahahaha, this post made me happy.  It's funny, I never really got people's obsessions with celebrities, but you just totally made me realize that I DO THE SAME THING WITH FICTIONAL CHARACTERS. Is this much much worse?  Quite possibly, but I'm going to say I have every bit as much chance of getting with Jon Snow as the next girl has with Brad Pitt.  I've just been trying to come out of the closet as a fangirl the past couple of years.  I used to be so quiet about my obsessions.  I bought a Harry Potter hoodie last year, and I actually wear it in public.  That's big for me.  Baby steps, yo!  (Oh, and I've totally planned out multiple bookish tattoos I may or may not ever get).

Nea Barabea said...

haha Asher you are amazing!! :D 

I am the one with the wallpaper on my desktop :D :D I love the phrase about The psychology of it is nearly indisputable. Haha I couldn't agree more to it! :D 
 

Asher_Knight said...

I didn't even bother to try to match up my own characteristics with my scales and levels of fangirliness. I can only imagine which ones I would score highest for XD I SO NEED TO WATCH GAME OF THRONES. I'm already obsessed with Jon Snow (HOT!), and I haven't even begun the show. And it's okay, Heidi, it has to be a gradual process, be gentle with yourself. There will come a day where you will break out of your mask/closet/hiding mechanism and just shout it to the world. A Harry Potter hoodie is DEFINITELY a step in the right direction! The tattoo bit was specifically inspired by this google image of a woman with the entire cover of New Moon (the movie) all across her back. XD

Asher_Knight said...

 *nods* Don't I know it. <333

I used to have a compilation of different HD pictures as a collage on my desktop. I never used to go a day without seeing Robert Pattinson or Jaejoong Kim XD

Mimi Valentine said...

LOLOLOLOL!! I love Sonia. I love this post. I love YOU. Oh my gosh, this post just made my morning!! I think I'm the mixture of The Squealer and The Talker (and yes, they deserve caps because they're like super titles). <-- Mostly for books and their book boys! x) Then I squeal whenever one of those boys says something swoon-worthy (which annoys everyone around me) and then I gush and gush and gush about those book boys (which annoys everyone around me even more) with only positive things like The Human Commercial (oh, look! I just threw in a third one LOL)! ;)

(I may be The Bully too INWARDLY because whenever I read how someone doesn't love a book boy that I love, I always want to demand why and defend his honor... LOL.)

You may be a psychological genius, Asher. :')

Brodie said...

Hahaha I LOVE THIS. Are you a certified Fangirl Mental Health Worker? Because seriously, if not, you should consider breaking into the field. You have such a deep understanding of each level (probably from personal expereince, but maybe it's best you don't add that to your resume). 

Hmmm, based on your awesome and scarily accurate Health Assessment, I'm probably a number of different ones. It sometimes depends. I can often by the Outside-In. I'm not much of a squealer in person, but if you were to use a stethoscope while I'm reading a HOT YA book... you'd find my heart performing scientific miracles.

But I can also be a mix between Broken Record, Talker and Human Commercial. When I get started, there is no off switch. And I don't care how many times that person says "BUT I'M NOT INTERESTED IN HARRY POTTER" - I KNOW I can convince them to read it! Because it's the most amazing series in the world! And even though they don't like reading, THAT SERIES WILL BE THE ONE THAT MAKES THEM A BOOKWORM, GODDAMNIT!

Also, have I mentioned that I love you to infinity and beyooooond?!

Michelle Chew said...

I was smiling by the time I finished reading the post. Very engaging! I think I'm the Human Commercial. I have been talking about books to my friends whenever I went out with them. :D 

Asher_Knight said...

Don't we all love Sonia? And, Awww, Mimi <333 Right back at you, friend. I can't even categorize myself properly because I'm like the Fangirl Monster. I am a mash-up of all these qualities. But you and I run on the same fangirl frequency. If life was a radio, you and I would be the FM. XD

And WHAT! I don't limit myself to inward bullying. I GET OUT THERE AND IN YOUR FACE. That is, if I can see you. I don't do it online, but whenever my friends or my family make a snide comment, I get all ninja on them. Because SOMEONE has to defend our boys' honor.

*nods* Believe it or not, I've been told that before.

rogier said...

i'm a dude 
i don;t squeeel .... a lot lol
defite a squeeler lol

Audrey (Bibliosaurus Text) said...

Too funny! I think I'm the lowest rung, but I'm also a librarian who is a fangirl, so that counts for something, right!?

Sam @ Realm of Fiction said...

LOVE this post!! :D I am an outward-in type of fangirl unless it involves by favourite bands, Harry Potter or my fictional boyfriends...Which, now that I think about it, are probably the only things I fangirl over anyway! :D So maybe my fangirling isn't so unnoticeable. ;) 

Jamie Bennett said...

Bahahah this is the best post ever! LOVE It. I'm definitely a squealer! I also am definitely a MORON when I'm around my fave authors..I always think..WOW why did I say this?!?!

 

Celine @ Forget-me-not said...

First, sorry I haven't been commenting on your blog lately, Asher! :( Been so busy with school and tests but finally, I'm done! I can have more time blogging but thank you so much for commenting on my blog so many times! <3

One thing that caught my eye when I checked this post: yep, it's YOUR DOODLINGS! IT's BACK! How I missed it. How I LOVE IT!

Hmm...I guess I'm a squealer. I squealed so many times when I read a romantic scene, an adorable quote, just pretty much everytime I fangirl, lol.

LOL. That last thing with Asher Knight being certified as a fangirl mental health worker? TOTALLY. Asher Knight is my fangirl doctor. <3

AWESOME AWESOME POST!

Kimberly said...

Just found your blog, Jamie at Perpetual Page Turner had a link. Anyway, fantasic post! LOVE this. I'm definitely the "Talker".

What is that last icon from? The face -desk one.

Giselleco said...

BAHAHAHAHA omg this is HI-LA-RIOUS! That baby picture! I'm definitely a human commercial! bahaha EPicness!!

Renu said...

Oh wow, I love this post! It literally made me LOL! I think I'm probably a squealer. Ha! ;D

elena said...

Haha, great post! I think I'm a talker, ever since getting into YA that's ALL I talk about and I don't think people really want to talk to me anymore....YIKES. That's why I love have a blog as an outlet. 

Caitlin said...

OMG I LOVE IT. I think, boringly, I am the first one. On the outside I seem all dignified but on the inside I'm like: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! Every now and then that inner squealer breaks loose. Like the day I got Clockwork Prince for review.


The Cait Files

Asher_Knight said...

Pssh. I AM NOW.
Thank you, thank you, I do think I've created a firm analysis for every symptom of Fangirl Mania here. I'm glad you found the information so useful. And personal experience certainly does add depth and insight to my findings.

Our hearts are often strange, strange things. *nods solemnly*

YOU CONVINCED ME TO KEEP READING HP. Although, I confess I haven't been very proactive about it. And Harry Potter has proven to do wonders for nonbookish people. why, I've heard some say that it has enriched their lives in ways they cannot imagine, so YOU MUST BE RIGHT.

And, oh, Brodie, I LOVE YOU TOO!! <333

Asher_Knight said...

Glad you thought so, Michelle! <3 Don't you just ignore the looks on your friends faces no matter how bored they look? Because THEY HAVE TO LISTEN. You firmly believe they will love what you love. And we love it so much we have to talk about the things we love. Does that make sense? XD Outside-In WHEN YOU'RE ALONE??! PSSH. I'm worse when I'm with my people, but I'm almost as bad when I'm alone. I'm a combination of all of the above EXCEPT Outside-In. XDD

Asher_Knight said...

 AH. But I did mention that fanboys exist. It's okay to be one. And are you sure you don't squeal even A LITTLE BIT? Hmm? XD

Asher_Knight said...

HECK YEAH THAT COUNTS. I've never met a fangirl librarian. They're always so stoic and non-smiley. That is, until I start conversing with them and then they brighten. And they get happy when I start talking about books but I've never fangirled with a librarian.

Asher_Knight said...

XDDD I'm glad you enjoyed yourself, Sam <333 It was just something I've been itching to share. SO YOU ARE A FAN GIRL AFTER ALL. You admit, when it comes to fictional men you are the epitomy of fangirliness. AND THAT'S OKAY. Embrace it. 

Asher_Knight said...

Awwww, thanks, Jamie <33 Another squealer. I'm so happy that people are admitting this about themselves :D So you mean my reactions at Books of Wonders on Sunday were totally and completely warranted? PHEW. I'm so relieved now XD

Asher_Knight said...

*waves away* No worries, Celine. I <3 you, dude, so you can do no wrong in my eyes. WELL. EXCEPT IGNORE ME FOREVER. Then, we'd have to go a round on the blacktop.  But I know what you mean, school is a killer (literally). I'm just now catching up myself. And don't thank me! I love your blog :D

XD My doodles. Oh, yes, they are becoming quite famous. I think I'm supposed to be embarrassed, but I"m not because I have too much fun drawing them, even if they are TERRIBLE. Expect to see a few more in the coming future.

I squeal aloud while I'm reading, then I run to my mom's room and squeal and talk so fast that my mom just stops trying to interpret and pretends to listen to make me happy. XDDD

And, you can thank Brodie and Mimi for the inspiration. They total requested that I be certified. :D

Asher_Knight said...

 Hey, Kimberly! Jamie is the awesomest. Her blog is DA BOMB! Thanks so much! It's always nice to "see" new faces and then I get all excited when they say they love what I write. So, MAJOR THANK YOU <33

I have no idea. I just googled it. And I like to include anime gifs almost as much as I like to doodle.

Asher_Knight said...

GISELLE! <3 I'm glad you got some laughs out of this. And, oh, yeah, I'm a mix of the human commercial among other things. XD

Asher_Knight said...

 Thanks, Renu!!! <33 Squealing is the best. It means you get to make all these sounds and you're not required to make much sense. And when you do it often enough, people just expect if from you and don't ASK YOU to try to make sense of what you're feeling.

Asher_Knight said...

 Whaddup, Elena! So good to see you here. AND THAT'S OKAY, BEING A TALKER NO ONE WANTS TO LISTEN TO. Because you are NOT ALONE. I can't tell you how many times I've been shunned and rejected for my incessant rambling about books. The best part about being a talker? We can talk all day, even when people don't want to listen! XD

Asher_Knight said...

<333 YAY. It's not being boring if you're the first one. You're actually a professional roller or tap-dancer, but NO ONE KNOWS ABOUT IT because it's internal. And that's okay. I lack dignity when I go all fangirl. I end up just forgetting to be embarrassed and go with my feelings. That can be both good and bad. Are you like that even when you're by yourself? CLOCKWORK PRINCE *fist-bumps* is AWESOMESAUCE.

Sonia said...

Okay okay, first off... MY POST INSPIRED THE BEST POST EVER <3 I looooooooooveddd this! Absolutely hilarious and it's nice to get a professional opinion on my incoherent ramblings and squeal fests :') Thank you so very much, Dr. Knight.

Which one am I? ALL OF THEM. (Except maybe outside-in... I'm never that calm about it LOL. Aaaand I'm not really the other extreme either -- a little scared it may progress to that someday though!)

Squealer? I have been known to cause temporary deafness.

Broken record? LOLOLOL.. what do you mean I've already said this to you 10x today... noooo.

Talker? "Wait, come baaack! You haven't even heard about his pet lizard yet!"

Human commercial: "YOU WILL LOVE IT, IT IS PERFECT, HOW COULD YOU NOT LOVE IT... ZOMG PERFECT."

Bully: What the eff do you mean you didn't like Harry Potter? *rolls up sleeves* Where should we do ths?

And hahahahaha, THIS:

"Males would be a terrified sub-species, reduced to boarding up their homes and walking to their mailboxes with branches on hand, ready to beat down this psychotic breed of walking XX chromosomes." (should be XY chromosomes?)

Okay, I am getting into ramble territory so I'll stop now :) Seriously Asher, I have MAJOR LOVE for this post and its absolutely wonderful creator ;)

Sonia said...

GROUP HUG, YOU TWO! <3

I love you guys x579438759834759834758397589754 :)

Asher_Knight said...

 Your post was so funny and true that I couldn't help but mention how much it inspired me to write this one. It got all these ideas dancing in my head. :D

FINALLY SOMEONE WHO IS ON THE SAME PAGE AS ME. Admittedly, everyone is not as bad as us, but I am exactly how you described yourself for each one XD

The image was so vivid when I wrote that XDD (and science was never my best subject, and you are definitely right - woops!)

NUH-UH. I LOVED THIS COMMENT. Believe it or not I heart the long comments A LOT. <333

Asher_Knight said...

 *hugs back* It's a lovefest here, because I LOVE YOU BOTH BACK :D

Sarah (saz101) said...

THE ASHER'S BLOG! IT HAS THE CHANGED!  Which Sarah probably wouldve known days ago if she wasn't such a crappy commenter and keeper-upperer with her feed >___<

Awwwww! "We are perfectly lucid, clear-minded individuals with strong feelings that sometimes... overwhelm us." *flutters eyelashes... even ME? :D

HEHE! With Doctor Who and Harry Potter I am TOTALLY a Talking Commercial cross Bully. AND PROUD. DO NOT EFF WITH ME WHEN IT COMES TO THE DOCTOR O_____O

Haha, but I like what Sonia said... a bit of all of them... this is also true :D

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! ASHER! YOUR POST IS OF AWESOME  :O

Lust for Stories said...

Oh, my god. This is genius. I personally think that, yes, some girls do go way over the edge with their fangirl antics. I mean, I love books and the hot guys within, but I wouldn't freak out too much over them. I'm somewhere in between squealer and outside-in. I try to keep my book-obsessions inside just so my friends don't look at me like I'm the spawn of Satan, but if I, say, get mail from an author I'd maybe let out a tiny squeal.
I've seen internet photos of people get all sorts of funky tats of some Twilight quote or something, but I look at it like "da what?" Please, Twi-hards out there, do something a little less permanent for the sake of lowering the chances of your parents and/or your boyfriend and/or your friends and/or your siblings either getting a heart attack or die laughing.

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