5 Ways to Sneakily Read in School
You’re sitting at your desk, unobtrusively though suspiciously hunched over doing something during class you really shouldn’t be doing. Your classmates to your right can’t tell if you’re watching porn on your cell phone. To the left, your friends are snarking over your nerdiness. At the front, your teacher is staring you down, stopping the lecture in its tracks and everyone can feel the halt. Now all eyes are trained on you, silently blaming you for the interruption.
You’ve been caught.
You’ve been caught.
Solution #1: Fake It Til You Make It… to the Bathroom
When the teacher comes rushing to your side, don’t be afraid to overdo a little bit. Claim you’re having increasing stomach pain and need to stumble your way to the bathroom.
The Result: Your teacher will feel horrendous for casting suspicions when you’re suffering astounding constipation, though your classmates may not be able to look you in the eye again.
But you shouldn’t have to employ such extreme escape measures. Before it progresses to this stage in your situation, take some preemptive precautions to ensure the survival of your dignity in a classroom.
Solution #2: Distract and Frame
The Result: Between screams of assault and dismissal, your teacher will be too busy turning tomato in the face while he engages in a yelling match with your fellow scholar. This way you can read happily without worrying about your teacher’s unwanted gaze landing near you.
Solution #3: Subtly Get People Talking Around You
What you want to do is pick a topic full of controversy, something that will compel people to argue. Things like: Elena should be with Stefan (bah! I’d argue on Damon’s behalf all night), Fred should have died, bears run faster uphill, etc. Anything you would debate over should be running through your head. Pick one you feel most passionately about. So when you mention the equivalent of Stefan’s name, everyone around you should lean over and fire out a counter argument. Pretty soon you’ve got a heated debate between half of your class. The good news? They are completely surrounding you.
The Result: The teacher you’re trying to get off your back now has to fight his/her way through a jungle of opinions and thrashing bodies. There’s no way you’ll be spotted now. I feel compelled to warn you, however, that there are two other possibilities: your claustrophobia will force you to drop kick the nearest smothering body or you could potentially lose yourself in the heat of debate, in which case the whole purpose of your distraction is now moot.
Solution #4: Claim a Seat in the Back
The Result: Blissful anonymity. Your teacher won’t be able to find you.
Solution #5: Block the View
You can use anything to do this. There are so many options: folders, books, a giant purse, a large pencil case, a cat, or even, my personal favorite, an umbrella. As conspicuously as possible, place this barricade so that it blocks prying eyes completely and you can have your contraband out in the open.
The Result: Your teacher will claim a leave of absence to check on the extent of his psychological issues which have resulted in hallucinations. Everyone knows a substitute teacher is as likely to smoke pot right in front you as to leave you alone the rest of the semester.
You have learned well, my young protégé. Now it’s time for you to practice this art of deceiving your teacher. Advance in skill and then one day, one day you will read without interruption. Go forth, and fear no darkness or pointed looks! You will find success.
Got something specific in mind? Dare I believe I might NOT have covered something you wish to know? If so, let me know down in the comments section. Also, I'd like to know if you have any embarrassing stories about getting caught in school doing something you shouldn't. It can be as tame (or not ;D) a story as you like. Do you like reading during class?