Funny, when I was searching up gifs and I found these, there was an advertisement for Unspoken by Sarah Rees Brennan right next to the I DON'T WANT TO KEEP CALM. Coincidence? I think not.
So when I googled things like “How to Survive a Bad Ending” and “How to Survive the End” all I got were stupid tips on how to navigate the apocalypse, zombie or otherwise. All I can say in response to that is this is real life, children, how ridiculously gullible do you think I am? Everybody knows that zombies are unreliable and might never make an appearance. Now, vampires, vampires are what you should be worrying your hairy little armpits about, you stupid men.
Anyway, climbing back over the bridge to relevance, there was one search result that stopped me in my rapid chair spinning. How to Survive a Bad Breakup. The tips are really quite ingenious, I understand why people would get over their broken hearts so quickly after reading this—those shaking shoulders are really signs of suppressed laughter. I’m going to apply five of them to your healing regime when we’re talking about healing from the disaster of a bad story ending.
1. Let yourself grieve because those hours of your life you will never get back. And you can't turn back the clock and make it so you didn't read what you think you just didn't wish you read. Rock in the dark, curl up on your bed, try to make yourself watch the remaining episodes of The Secret Circle even though you really don't want to, whatever you have to do to GET IT ALL out. BUT, yo, whoever said crying isn't manly, they have a point. Crying is spongely, which so much worse SO STOP
2. Because at some point you have to forgive yourself. Forcing yourself to watch a terrible TV show isn't the answer! You were an idiot, you screwed up because you didn't see the inevitable coming and may have even set yourself up for a downfall. But by no means does that give you the right to chain yourself to the couch and watch five hideously rendered episodes of The Secret Circle. We want something metaphorically soothing not upsetting enough that you wish you never had eyeballs in your sockets. Forgive yourself this one or, even in my case, several mistakes, because it WILL HAPPEN AGAIN. I know, I know, the truth hurts your back.
3. Do not drink alcohol when you're a US citizen under the age of 21. Because teenagers with problems NEVER do that. Teenagers never do that period. That would be wrong.
4. Keep yourself busy. Not thinking about that ending, dreaming, procrastinating, eating...
Plotting a coup.
5. Take up a hobby. Remember that feeling of disillusionment and betrayal you felt at the end of THAT book. Whether you were loving or hating the book or not makes no difference when the ending fuels your hatefire either way, the hatefire remains. That's good, excellent even. We're going to need lots of that, lots and lots. Because plotting is the perfect segue to revenge. So if your hobbies include sharpening pitchforks, buying stink bombs, trading for pig's blood then by all means DO YOU. And should any of those hobbies take you to the unsuspecting Sarah Rees Brennan, well then, I certainly won't stop you. After all keeping busy with a hobby is good for your freshly blackened soul.
And remember: this isn't the end of the world, it wasn't your fault, and you are beautiful.